Episode 5 - IVF, Identity & Building a Personal Brand in the Wedding Industry | Carly Bentsen of Carly Michelle Photography

What happens when your personal story becomes part of your brand — and you’re not sure how much to share?

In this deeply honest episode, I talk with Carly Bentsen of Carly Michelle Photography, wedding photographer and mom of two, about navigating IVF, motherhood, and the vulnerability that comes with building a creative business online.

Carly opens up about how becoming a parent shaped her identity, what she learned through infertility, and the complex emotions that come with showing up authentically as a business owner.

💬 In this episode:

• IVF and its emotional impact on creative work
• The pressure to “share everything” as a personal brand
• Identity shifts after motherhood
• Building boundaries around storytelling and visibility

Whether you’re in the middle of growing your family or your business (or both), Carly’s story is a reminder that your truth is enough — and that you’re not alone.

🔗 Connect with Carly at @carlymphotography on Instagram.

🎧 Subscribe to Wedding Industry Mama for raw, relatable stories from creative moms building businesses in the wedding world.

Transcript

UNKNOWN: 0:00

you

SPEAKER_01: 0:01

Hi there, and welcome to Wedding Industry Mama, navigating the unique scenarios of motherhood in our industry. A podcast by and for mamas of the wedding industry so we can prove to us all that it can be done. My name is Meredith, your host and Wedding Industry Mama extraordinaire. I have been a part-time wedding photographer since 2004, a full-time wedding photographer since 2015, and a mother since 2020. I breastfed all of my babies for 14 months and have somehow managed to keep everything running without ever having full-time child care and I think you can do it too. Today, I'm excited to chat with Carly Benson of Carly Michelle Photography. I've known about her for a long time because we're both Boston photographers, so I'm excited to chat with her and for you guys to hear this episode. Carly Michelle is a New England and destination wedding photographer with over a decade of experience in the wedding industry. Using both digital and film formats, her approach is relaxed but refined. Carly focuses on international imagery that reflects a couple's unique connection. Carly was open about using IVF to conceive her two beautiful boys, and I was so curious to hear what she had to say about that experience. I really hope you guys have as much fun listening to this as I did recording it with Carly. Have fun. Welcome. I'm so happy to have you here. You know what's so funny to me is that, I don't know if this is funny to you, that we've never met in person, but we've talked. I was just thinking that. I'm like, I feel like I've met you like multiple times. you've never met and that's just how like social is now it's you feel like you know someone that you've met in person yes exactly well we did like have a lot of those zoom calls during covid so we had we had that meeting but like we've never actually like met each other in person and i don't know why because like let's say you go to like an event and then i don't go and then i go to pet and you're not there and i'm like what were we just never crossing paths this is so crazy i'm like like such a homebody that it's hard that I go to an event. And when I do, I'm just like, oh my God, am I going to know anyone? Yeah. Yeah. I tend to just not go, but I need to work on that. I feel like I've heard that a lot lately though, that like a lot of people in our industry are very like, are introverted extroverts. Like I, I don't love going to those events and networking either. It's just like not, I don't know. It's not my like, yes, let's do it. Right. Right. going to an event in person, you have to like put yourself out there to be like, hey, I follow you and I know you, but I don't know you. Hi. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I know everything about you, but I don't actually know you, which is exactly how I feel about you. And you might feel about me. So like, hey, I know your kid names, but like, what's up? Yeah. Yeah. What's up? How are you? No, it's true. And the rare occasion that does happen, it's like at a witch mirror or like a bell mare or just like a little bit used. Yeah. The double venues where you like see another photographer and you're like, oh, hey, oh, I know you. Photographers in the wild. Yes. And then obviously you don't have any time to talk at those moments. So you're like, yeah, I got to go. Yeah. Sometimes that like engagement sessions in the city, like you'll pass by and you'll be like, hey. And then it's like, oh, yeah. Yeah. That's happened to me a few times, too. Yeah. And Boston Common, just because everybody's there. So it's always so that it happens. Yeah, it is. So I'm so glad to have you on. And tell me a little bit about your journey in motherhood, like how, what happened, how it all started and, you know, how you've balanced in the business. Because I think you and I have this unique perspective in that we both had pretty thriving businesses before. before being moms like you and I connected before that you know so I know we were we were both like bouncing ideas off each other before we were moms so I'm just curious like how you got into the photography end and then how it's changed since motherhood and everything yeah well I'm going into my 14th year of photography how long have you been doing it So it's kind of muddy in that I was full time starting in 2015, but I was like doing weddings here and there starting back in 2007. So a long time ago. So I'm going into my 14th year of being full time. And like I used to just take on, you know, when I was single, just like fill my summer's balls like just every single weekend. I'd have weddings and that was what I was doing. But then I met my husband and obviously, you know, wanted to start a family. And so I kind of started to cut back on weddings, but make sure that I was intentional in who I was taking on as couples and clients and working with planners. And I did that because I knew that like once we started a family, Well, one, my husband wanted to spend some weekends with me and I was always just like business, business, business. And like, I have to learn how to like, you know, compartmentalize a little bit. But we knew we wanted to start a family. And so I knew, you know, kids are eventually going to have, you know, sports and activities. And I didn't want to like be the mom that misses all of that. So yeah. Over the years, like I used to take on, I think in 2019 was my biggest wedding year. I had like 39 weddings and I was so burnt out that I was like, I will never do this again. And then, you know, COVID hit and then I cut back and cut back and cut back. And now I do about 10 to 14, depending, you know, each year. But yeah, we... we wanted to start a family and that was like the main reason I started cutting back down. How many do you take on a year? I'm about the same. I'm about 10 to 15 now. But yeah, it's definitely a lot less than I used to. I think 20, my biggest year was 2021 because everybody rescheduled. So before that I was only taking about, I think 25, I think At one point, I had 28, but I had 40 in 2021, and it was awful. And I was pregnant. I just remember talking to you about this, but I just remember the year that I had that many weddings, and I look back now, and I'm like, I don't even know how I did that. And I don't even know how to take... 20 now. It's a lot with a kid and then obviously a baby that's almost here. Yeah. And I just saw your post. Do you think she's coming? Do you know what the gender is, Ernie? It's a boy. Oh, yay. We're going to have a wild house. Yeah, I was going to say, you're in for a wild time coming up. Yeah, so I'm 36 weeks. Rowan came at... Two days before his due date and he came like fast, like fast and furious. And I just, I'm already having random contractions and he's like head down. And I just feel like it, I'm a little bit of borrowed time over the next few weeks. I could be totally wrong, but my gut is saying that he's coming early. Yeah. What about your kids? Did they come on Taylor? Yeah. Well, so I actually just answered your Instagram question. So my first one was she was three days late. And then my second one was a week early. And then my third one was just two days early. So I feel like it can go all over the place. So and I remember thinking that my third, I thought, oh, my God, she's totally coming like two weeks early. And she didn't. She just like hung out in there. So. You never know. I know. Everyone's giving different answers, and I'm like, okay, this is kind of scaring me, but, like... Are you just over it? Yes! I will say, like, across the board, everyone I talk to with their second and third pregnancies, they're, like, so done at, like, six months. You're like, I'm over this. When's it done? I mean, I'm very grateful to carry a baby full term, but... exhausting with a toddler. And it's just different with your second because you don't have the luxury of napping, really. Yes. Yes. And I hate to warn you, but I would say it was harder for me to transition from one to two than from two to three. And it was because of the not being able to rest because... of the first, but that's okay. You'll get through it. It's, I hate it when people are like, you'll sleep when they're 18. That's not true. No. Yeah. I remember you actually telling me, um, over DM, like one time, like, don't let anyone tell you that you're never going to sleep again because that's not true. And like, I took that to heart and Owen is like such a good sleeper. He And he's been doing that since three months old and I'm probably jinxing. So but I just hope this baby is a good sleeper, too. So I can't complain. I'm tired, but I am getting sleep. Just I could sleep forever. Yes, I know. I could do nine hours of sleep before kids like I easily could sleep for nine hours and not not be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, and apparently I read something recently that like women need that much sleep, like eight to nine hours because of something with our hormonal balance. My husband's always like, you can't function like under eight hours. And I was like, that's right. I can't. Like I gave it eight hours. I need a full eight hours. Not eight hours plus is ideal, but yes.

UNKNOWN: 10:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 10:25

Yes. And men, I think, they're fine on like six to seven. It's crazy. Yeah. It's not fair. That's what it is. Nothing's fair. It's not fair, yeah. But, oh my God, that's too funny. But the sleep thing, it will come again. I think everything will be good. Don't worry. And you're going to have a wild two-boy household. And my second didn't sleep for like... six months or so so it was a longer time but but that's I mean he does now now he sleeps better than my first so it's you know it's all waves and yeah don't don't worry don't stress you'll get your sleep back are you wanting maybe a fourth or are you well we keep going matching fourth but I don't know I'm uh I think you and I are about the same age I'm 37 now yeah I'm 38 Yeah. So the, oh my God, this last, yeah. So you're, you're in it. I was 36 and a half with my last and it was painful. Like it was like, I, I couldn't, I don't even know. Like I, my hip was out of whack, like, and I'm shooting weddings still. Like it was the worst pregnancy. Like it Is that what you're dealing with right now? I begin to tell you, I had like no pain when I carried Rowan. Nightly, like the sciatic nerve, like I was in the worst pain ever. And I like have these meltdowns where I'm like throwing my pregnancy pillow and I'm like, get this over with. Into like the chiropractor and I've tried to get a prenatal massage and like nothing. I just feel nothing. Everything hurts this proximity. I'm like, is it my age? Yeah. That's why I'm so scared because it was so bad on my third that I'm like, I don't know if I can do that again. Good for even considering it. For me, we're two and we're good with that. I don't know. Rowan is typical. toddler boy, just like testing boundaries, getting into mischief. And I'm like, oh, my God, another one. I just I can't. That's it. Yeah. Well, like I've talked to another girl. I don't know if you listen to that one, but the first one, Nicole. So she has three boys and she specifically was like, I didn't know that 90% of my job would be to make sure they don't kill each other. Cause you think like, Oh, I'm having a second. They'll play together and they can occupy each other, but no, it's worse. I'm expecting it to just be a circus in my home. So yes, it will be. It will be. But, um, But they'll like they'll have their their wedding industry mom that, you know, they'll they'll be softened by the way that you show. I don't know. I don't know how boy moms do it. You guys are you guys are champs. Well, yeah, I'll let you know one second here how it's going. Have you so have you shot any weddings or like been doing anything pregnant or like how did that all go? So I was obviously pregnant this past summer, all summer. I was actually sick with this pregnancy up until 20 weeks with Rowan. Oh, no. Sick for 12 weeks. But this was pretty brutal. And I had almost just accepted that I had that. I forgot what it's called where you're just sick for your whole pregnancy. Yeah, it's like GHI or something. Yeah. Kate Middleton had it. I know everybody talks about that. Yeah. So I was like coming to terms with that. But yeah, 20 weeks and I was shooting weddings and really just hiding the nausea. I, you know, you can't. What were you doing? Like just taking deep breaths. Like I was bringing like these ginger candies and I was hydrating a ton. I would always look. let like the planner know that I was pregnant and like kind of battling morning sickness but I really feel like none of my couples knew that I was super nauseous I feel like my body went into like survival mode at weddings and it was like no we're doing business and then you can be sick so I don't know how good it's crazy though yeah I don't know why or how the body works like that but it just like knew that I couldn't be sick yeah and it just would like shut it down until I left I feel like that's the case always with weddings like even if it's not pregnancy related like my like if I'm sick or hurt or whatever it's like there's some kind of superhuman that comes over you during weddings I know you're just you're like no this is this is the be-all and end-all I have to get through this And that's it. Like you leave everything else at the door. Well, something tough in this industry is like you can't just call out on a way. If you call a day off of work, it's one day that you've booked like a year plus in advance for a couple that's like depending on you. And I'm showing up unless my arm's hanging off. Right. Yeah, exactly. You just suck it up. And I was always like, you know what? If I throw up, I'll just explain why. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I mean, oh, man. So I did have this one incidence where I had a sunrise engagement session and I would get sick during sunrise or during the morning usually. Obviously, yeah, they call it morning sickness. But because I hadn't eaten yet, that was why. And I was doing this engagement session and the same thing happened. And they happened to have cannolis with them. And they were like, do you want any? And I was like, OK, normally I would say no. But yes, can I please have a cannoli? So because I was like, I'm going to puke if I don't. So pregnant hunger is no joke. Like I was even a little bit hungry. That's when I was the most nauseous. And you have to eat like your body. Like you will go crazy. That's sick. So I was carrying around. I had so many snacks. Like, yeah. almonds and everything. So when was your, when was your last wedding? Like how many weeks were you? Um, so my last wedding, gosh, I can't even, well, I just, I did one in December, um, like a small intimate wedding and I was like, thank goodness this is like small and intimate. They knew I was pregnant. I was obviously showing. Yeah.

UNKNOWN: 17:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 17:23

But like, honestly, having to go to the bathroom like every 20 minutes, I'm like, thank goodness this is just like a three hour day type of thing. Because I don't think I know you shot up until way late, right? Yeah. So Caroline Wynn came with me to a wedding December 2nd. when I was pregnant with my son and I had him December 6th. So like three days later, but I ended up shooting most of it. My husband was there too, but like I just wanted somebody there in case we had to leave because it was literally like a week before my due date. So yeah, it was. The benefit for me is, you know, Having gone through IVF, I was, you know, it doesn't always work out this way because there's things like failed transfers. But for me, I was lucky with very positive results through my IVF. And I was able to kind of like pick the month that I was getting pregnant. And so I based it around my wedding schedule. So I'm going to be able to... not have to shoot weddings when I was super pregnant, which was really nice. Yeah. Well, so that's what I'm so excited to talk to you about. Like, I know nothing about IVF. Like, tell me all the things. Do you have, you have to like give yourself shots and stuff leading up to that, right? And isn't that, does that make you nauseous? Like what happens? How did, I know it, I mean, you were very fortunate to have been able to plan it, but sometimes there are failed transfers, right? So then, I mean, it's just, yeah, just in general, it's the same as like getting pregnant. Typically, just because you never know, but just tell me a little bit about that. Yeah. So we tried for like 10 months on our own, but because, you know, I was over 35, it was, or I was, yeah, I was over 35. You know, they let me get tested around 10 months. Usually they make you wait a year if you're under 35. And all of our testing came back completely normal. Like absolutely. Yeah. There was nothing wrong. But they did say that I had unexplained infertility, meant that like a lot of times I was skipping my ovulation for some reason and they couldn't like pinpoint why because all my labs came back healthy. And so they suggested like we do IUI and we went through a few rounds of that. And then went right into IVF. But yes, it's pretty intense. And unfortunately, like our insurance didn't cover it. It does. It would now. But like the time that we did it, it was all out of pocket. So it was like paying. Oh, my God. So much money. Yeah. Isn't it? I mean, I'm just I guess they may hear. But like last time I heard. So this was probably five years ago. I think it was like$10,000. Per like session, right? Or like attempt or something? So with IVF, like if you're doing medication and egg retrieval transfers, like the transfer itself is$5,000. So every time you have a failed trigon, you pay, like even if it fails. So it's very expensive. Medications are expensive. Yeah. Um, but you know, we were, we were deep in that. Um, and we went ahead, started IVF. You do these things called stimulation shots there for like 10 to 12 days. Um, and then I went in for surgery for an egg retrieval. Um, you're just super uncomfortable and bloated, but you know, I was working and pretending I was fine. Oh my gosh.

UNKNOWN: 21:18

Um,

SPEAKER_01: 21:19

Yeah, IVF is a big commitment and process, but obviously, you know, you're working towards a baby, so it feels so worth it, and you just endure whatever you need to do. And how long does that process typically take before becoming pregnant? Like, is it a two-month, one-month process? Like, how long were you dealing with this, like, while you were shooting weddings and everything? Yeah, so everyone's protocols are different.

UNKNOWN: 21:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 21:46

Some people start like you have to go on like birth control for a month to control your cycle to then suppress it to grow your follicles. Some people do natural cycles that I did. So all in all, I think I can't remember exactly, but from my egg, my stem shots were like 10 days. Then you have an egg retrieval and then they see the embryos that like develop and over a week. And then I had to wait another month to do a transfer just to let my body kind of cool down. Oh, yeah. Reset. Reset. Yeah. Yeah. And I was lucky enough that it was pretty much like a three month type of deal from when we started IVF because we got a positive transfer. But I have friends in the industry and friends outside the industry that, you know, I've had Three plus, eight plus failed transfers. And some people are still trying and they just aren't, you know, able to conceive. And it's very hard. So I feel very fortunate that it all went well. Yes. Yeah, I'm sure. And did you do the same thing for the second as well? Yeah. So the second, we didn't need to do an egg retrieval because we had frozen embryos. And so we kind of were just like... okay, doctor, this is the month we want to like do our transfer. And they put me on some, you know, shots to get that going. And then we did it and that was it. Oh, so it's, so it's a lot faster the second time then. If you have frozen embryos. Yeah. And you don't have to do another egg retrieval. Yeah. Okay. So could you, you could have picked, did you pick or like boy, girl? You have the option to do genetic testing and you, I think it's called PGT testing where you check for genetic abnormalities. For us, we, there's pros and cons. Like the more, the more embryos that touch like hands of people and get transferred have, you know, a lower chance of survival. Like it goes down. Oh, okay. Yeah. To mimic, we didn't want to mess with science too much. There's nothing wrong with people knowing and doing that, but we wanted it to mimic science. like as real of a pregnancy as possible. So we didn't get any testing done. So I had no idea that I was going to have a boy and another boy. Yeah. And even that's awesome. Embryos we still have that are frozen. Like I have no idea about their genetics or anything. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. And if you don't have like the genetic triggers, I think, right. They, um, I think they like required a test for that at some point. I would test for a certain amount of like genetic abnormalities before you start. I think there's like 123 things you get tested for. And so if that comes back. Yeah. And I think you have to like match your husband too. Like, oh, you have it. then your husband gets tested. And if he has it, then you both are the carriers. But if you have it and he doesn't, or he has it and you don't, then you don't carry it. Yeah. So wild. I know. I know. It's crazy how, how it all works and the genetics of it. But we, we definitely did that testing of like ourselves. And then, um, And then that same thing was like, that was it. We didn't really know after that, like if everything was okay, if we're having a boy and girl or what have you. So, but I did want to go back to a little bit of the, the, the, you said that you've had friends in the industry that are still trying and everything. And that's like, how, how did you navigate those first 10 months with trying? And I mean, were you able to find people in the industry you could chat with about it or? Um, I feel like when we were before IVF, when we were trying, I wasn't really talking about that we were trying because it was like, if you're a woman, you know, that like two week wait period when you're waiting for like to like test and all that stuff. Like you're just kind of in your head about it sometimes. And I just remember feeling so low, like 10-ing I was okay, but you're really not. Like, you're just so down about, you know, every month is, you know, your cycle comes and whatever. So it was a hard 10 months. It was really, really hard. And I, you know, I'm lucky that they, like, wanted me to get testing because I could have gone longer trying and then, you know, And then eventually been like, okay, you know, we waited so long. Some people do. Some people try for like one to three years before they approach IVF. Yeah, of course. But also like, I mean, I just feel like it's got to be tough because you're obviously at weddings where there are lots of babies often and, you know, just... family-centered situation. So that's got to be hard. But I'm assuming you just kind of put that hat on that we just talked about, that like superhero hat where you're like, I'm at a wedding. I just have to like set it all aside. I feel like, again, like your business hat and your personal hat, they're two separate things. Like I've always been able to shut off personal issues when I enter a wedding. It just clicks off and I'm different. Like I just... You would never know. I don't want to let that like interfere. And I think that's something like I've learned over the years just to be able to separate. But yeah, and I always tell like, people who I talk to who are, you know, in the throes of infertility or they're just having trouble. I'm like, you're allowed to be happy for people you see getting pregnant easily, but you're also allowed to mourn the loss that you aren't having a baby right now. Like you're allowed to feel upset while also being happy for other people. So I've never once been like, oh, I wish like it's not fair because I feel like that's not fair. how I would ever go about things. I've always been happy for anyone who I've seen with a baby or get pregnant. I've never been like jealous because I've known like my time will come. But you can add that it's not happening right away. Yeah, of course. I mean, I'm just thinking of people like listening to this too because I'm sure there are going to be some people listening that, you know, they'll see the topic and maybe think to themselves like, yeah, I'm I'm struggling. I'm trying to, I want to be in this club and I'm not saying it's a club, but the motherhood club. And I just, you know, we, we think of you guys too. Like you're, you're going through the same struggles that even if, even if you're not a mother now, you know, like you're, you're still in it. You're still thinking of your future babies and it could be hard. Like the, I mean, in general, the wedding industry is tough to shut off your brain like that, but, And, you know, even done it, it's possible. How many women have reached out to me who are going through IVF or fertility struggles? Like, people just don't talk about it, but it's a lot of people. It is a lot of people. And I have another full-time business as a nutrition coach, and I work with a lot of women trying to conceive. Also, like, the rate of miscarriages is very high. Like, people just don't talk about it. I think they say it's one in four. I think it's more than that. I mean, I know so many people that have had miscarriages. I had one. It seems like it's more than one in four. Yes, it's definitely more than one in four. Well, I'm sorry to hear that you had one. Was it with the... Was it... It was... So I had... So I had one when I first... We first got married. I was pregnant in... 2019 like we actually were kind of curious like it might have been a honeymoon baby and then but like we weren't trying and it just happened and I was due August of like right in the middle of wedding season right on the date of like my biggest wedding of that year so yeah so I just like that's why I started this podcast like my first reaction was complete panic like like What? Oh, my God. Like, I can't. I'm no, there's no way. What am I going to do? It wasn't like, it wasn't like a happy thing. And then like, I had a and it was I still feel guilty about saying this. And I'm honestly like tearing up as I'm saying it. But I had like a moment of like, when I miscarried of like, okay, my business will survive, which is bull. Like, I shouldn't have to feel like that. But that's terrible. I think that's just being real. Like, It's a normal thought that would come from someone in our industry who knows how hard that would have been to navigate. Yeah. Yeah. And the date came around and I thought of it too, like, because, you know, I think it, I can't remember. I actually might have been pregnant with my daughter at that point. I think I, yeah, I must have been. Because that was, yeah, so I was already pregnant with my daughter. And then you have to think about miscarriages in that way, too. Like, you know, you might have a miscarriage, but then you might have your baby right after that. You know what I mean? And my daughter wouldn't be here. She wouldn't be who she is if I hadn't had that miscarriage. You know, I'd have some other daughter, which is crazy, mind-blowing to me. I know. You just never... You never know. And you have to just look at like I look at things like it all happens for a reason. There's a reason why you may not understand right now, but you will at some point. And so when you look at your daughter, you're like it was always supposed to be this way, you know? Yeah, exactly. And I mean, it was when it actually happened. It wasn't all like I wasn't, you know. relieved and only that I was at that point I had already started to like get excited and I was like all right I can do this we can do this because I was like seven weeks at the time and I was like okay I can do this it'll be fine like I'll figure it out it'll be great and then I miscarried and I was like oh my god so like oh my god yeah it's okay it was a long time ago but um I just you know I feel bad that I even had that moment of the sense of like oh okay like I don't have to cancel this wedding now because I was like already like the day I took the pregnancy test I'm like how am I going to tell this bride well I can tell you that I've talked to a few other moms who are photographers in the industry obviously I want good names but they you know were so scared to even say they were pregnant and then when they did they had a lot of backlash from people from their bride really It is mind-blowing to me. Like, people don't understand. We don't get sick leave. We don't get maternity leave. We don't get vacation days. You can't help when you're pregnant. If you went into a normal workplace and said, I'm pregnant, people would be like, oh, my God, congrats. They wouldn't be like, well, are you going to be there for my wedding? Like, you know? Yeah. It's hard. This industry is hard to navigate being a mom. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I so, I mean, this might help some people listening, too. Yeah. Um, but I, as soon as I found out, as soon as I was at my 12 week mark, I sent out an email to everybody and said like, whether it would or would not impact their wedding. And obviously if it did impact it, I didn't, I didn't just send out a blanket email, but I said like, I'm pregnant. This, this email is just to let you know that I'm, you know, a new one's coming on board, but, um, I'm sending you this so you don't sit around and count weeks or panic. Everything is fine. I'm not rescheduling your wedding. So, you know, obviously same as you, I planned it around. Like when we did start trying, I planned it around having a baby when I'm not doing weddings. So my daughter's birthday is January. My son's is December. And then my, um, my second daughter, her birthday is March. So we're, you know, the Northeast, we have a very specific, like, well, you know, if you're, if people are lucky enough to be able to conceive naturally, easily. Yeah. And it's nice to plan. Some people don't have that luxury and it just happens. And yeah. And then you have to tell them and I know that they should be some more supportive, but sorry, go ahead. But no, it's equally hard. Like I get it from their side too. Like they booked you as a photographer. for a reason and if all of a sudden you're being pulled from their day and they had complete trust in you, it's hard. I've heard stories of other people in the industry just leaving couples high under high. Who does that? You have to at least have a list of backups or offer associates or something to make them feel like You're not just not showing up, you know. So I've never had to deal with it, thank goodness. But I sympathize. Well, so I mean, that one bride that I had on December 2nd when my son was due to, he was due December 12th. He came December 6th. But with her, I didn't just email her. I called and I said, let's talk about this. And I think that's really important. When you're navigating pregnancy and when the baby's born. I was like, let me just explain. The baby's due a week and a half after your wedding. They don't foresee an issue. But I understand if you want to go on with somebody else or if you want me to have an associate. I said, but my plan, if you're okay with it, is to have another photographer of my similar experience level there. Okay. And I will still shoot the wedding, which is basically what happened. So I still shot the wedding and I just had Caroline there as like, what if? And then, you know, towards the end of the night, I actually, I had to sit down because my legs were like swollen. So Caroline did a lot of like the reception stuff, which was great because then I got all the portraits, like the super, not that reception shots aren't important, but You know, people hire you for your portraits and for your getting ready, you know, those photos. It's the parts that they're going to, like, likely frame or put into albums and cherish. Not that resection isn't important. Yeah. But those, it's just more like, you know, portraits are why people are hiring you. It's like they are looking at your portrait pictures to see if you're going to be a good fit for them. Right, right. Like, that's the reason. Yeah. I mean, people say that this is like slightly off topic, but people ask me about, you know, if they're having an all dark wedding. I'm like, well, it's not that I don't. I shoot off camera flash all the time, but most people hire me because of my natural light work. That's not saying that like I can't do the flash stuff, but and I do do it and I think I do it well. But most people hire me for my natural light stuff. So it's the same thing. It's just being open and honest. Here's what's happening. I want you to be on board. Like, you know, I want to keep you as a bride. Yeah. So I find that so interesting that you've had people that have had backlash. And that sounds awful. And I'm so sorry for those people. I feel awful. But I'm also like, you know, anyone listening to this, I'm sure both sides, it's very relatable. And maybe someone who's dealing with it now will like be more understanding if they're, you know, vendor comes to them and says this or vice versa. Maybe another person in the industry who owns a business and gets pregnant will know how to navigate telling their couples, you know? Yep. Yeah. 100%. I go back to that. That's one of the reasons I started the podcast, too, because I just feel like we don't talk about it. People hide that they're parents. People hide that they're pregnant often. I like, yeah, I So tell me a little bit about your like how much you've shared and everything, because I know you've been pretty open book. I'm pretty open book. Have you gotten any kind of like difference in your inquiry levels or difference in your following? Have you noticed? I mean, I know it's hard to tell. But you know what I mean? Like when you share stuff about your kids, like do you find any reaction to that or like a positive reaction, negative reaction? To be honest, I feel like when I share my personal life, it's better on Instagram than my business. It is mind blowing to me. When I post any, like my husband's private, but like, you know, I'll post things here and there. But if I post anything about him, the engagement that I get, it's wild. When I'm like, oh, my God, no one's like, you know, liking photos or commenting like my algorithms off. He's like, just post me. Yeah. But it is it is wild. I always get positive reinforcement and I see other people that are more like influencer like who get like negative comments. I've never like anytime I post like Rowan or something about my personal life or when I was open about IVF because I thought that it was very important to like talk about it. Um, only positive, positive, positive outcomes from all of it. So yeah, I'd say when I share personal, more personal things, I mean, to break it down, like I, there's a lot in my life people don't know about, you know, it's all very surface what you share, but it is personal to people that don't know you. But that always like people just relate to that. and have so many questions. I get tons of DMs over IBF stuff or stuff with my son or, you know, I don't know. How do you feel about it? I don't know. I go back and forth a little bit. Like, I get the same thing. Like, definitely a lot more people answering me, like, cracking up at, like, my ridiculous posts about things my kids have done or, like, tell me you have two toddlers without telling me you have two toddlers, like, situations that I've posted. And a lot of people respond, but it's not exactly brides. Like brides aren't messaging me because brides aren't in that mindset at all. And I'm guilty. I'm one of them. Like I was like a little Miss Bridezilla. I was the youngest in my family, had no kids. My niece lives far away. So like I never, my niece and nephew, they live far away that are older. So I actually didn't have any babies to take care of. And I wasn't necessarily a kid's person. And I didn't want kids at our wedding, and I felt like I was a little bit of a bridezilla. I look back, and I'm like, what's wrong with me? No, I think that's okay, though. I was always like, I want kids, but I don't want kids at my wedding. Yeah. Of course, my sister-in-law and my sister have kids, and they were going to be in the wedding, but I didn't want other people's kids coming to my wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we had my niece and nephew, same. Yeah, I just... So I get it. I get why the brides aren't necessarily gravitating towards my funny toddler posts. But then occasionally you'll get a preschool teacher, for instance, that is having a blowout wedding and loves kids. Yeah, it's hard. Because I get more engagement, but it's not necessarily from the people I want the engagement from. Yeah, I think I'm very conscious of... how much I'm posting of my son or my personal life versus business, because I know that the majority of people coming to my page are like what I'm targeting. Like I want to book couples, like it's my business, the wedding business page. And so that's like the majority of what I want to share and showcase. So I'm pretty excited. Like, I think twice before, like, I post certain things. If something is, like, really cute and I think it's really cute, I'm going to post it. But I try to limit it. Like, if I didn't care, I'd be posting every scene. All day. Yes. All day long. Because I think Frank's so funny and cute. But, like, people... And, yeah, he is the cutest, by the way. He is... Oh, my God. His eyes. Oh, he's going to be a heartbreaker. I can tell. He is such a flirt, too. Already, he is... going to be oh my god but yeah like I understand like when I was getting married like I didn't particularly care to see someone else's family life per se yeah so I always think about that I'm like how much do people actually want to see and do they care just because I think it's cute doesn't mean someone's going to be like your kid's cute you know yeah I mean but also I think important to think about here too is that like in our level we're dealing more with planners necessarily than the bride directly so if a planner relates to it then maybe it is still good you know like yeah except you know i do work with some planners that don't have children and i'm always like thinking about that too like i i just try and be relatable to everyone in some in some way but Yeah, at the end of the day, you're showcasing things for planners who are going to be working with you, potential couples who are going to be working with you. But I do think it's important to share a little bit of your life because it helps people relate and know who you are as a person outside of the business. And maybe they like that. They like who you are and that's why you get booked, you know? Right, right. Like, it's really strange to you. I'll share, like, you share stuff about your fitness. I'll share stuff about my design with my husband. Right, and I love looking at your design stuff.

UNKNOWN: 44:32

Thanks.

SPEAKER_01: 44:33

But I feel sometimes I'm like, why am I sharing this on my wedding photography page? This is silly. But, I mean, and I love hearing your tips about or seeing your tips about... Nutrition, but you haven't done that as much lately, but you used to do that. Like you used to post about nutrition on the wedding stuff, right? Yeah. So I really tried to separate the two businesses. Like I have like another Instagram account for the nutrition stuff and I really try and separate it now. But a lot of my own brides like use me as a coach for their wedding. Yes. One of my brides did use you. Yes. Who is this? Yeah, I won't say her name, but she's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's a baby now, I think. Yeah, she does. She does. So, yeah, you know, it's funny. I get connected to brides who then I know like the photographers. And I feel like I could show it more on my wedding page, but I just don't. I don't know. I just stopped. I felt like I needed to keep it separate. But there is a whole thing over on another Instagram. Yes. Yes. You need to follow her there. Is it Carly M Fitness? Carly M Fitness. Carly and fit. Yeah. So where, where can people find you for photography? That's Carly and photography. Carly and photography. So yeah, you did the same kind of thing I did. Like I have Meredith Jane design and I have Meredith Jane photography. So it's, it's, yeah, you just keep the, keep the family the same or like the entity. I don't know the branding, I guess. Yeah. That's the word I'm looking for. It's so funny. Cause I like, I look at you and your life and I'm like, okay, wait, she's full-time weddings and then the interior stuff and the home builds and then she has three kids. And I'm like, wait, I also have two full-time businesses. But I look at you and I'm like, how does she do that? And I'm like, I'm also doing it, but it just doesn't make sense. No, but I look at you and I think the same. I'm like, oh my God, how is she doing it all? I just feel like you're really great at marketing and like- You're so good at like, I don't know. You just, yeah. I feel like you are very successful and you portray that very well on your Instagram. And yeah, I just think, I think you're doing a great job. So same with you. Oh, thanks. So yeah, no. So just to end it, I love to get, I love to ask everybody who are two of your favorite moms that you think are crushing it in the wedding industry. So yeah, well, I, I'm going to have to say three because yeah, I'm in a group chat with them. But one, Eva Alexandra Photography, I've been so close with her for years. And she has... She just had a baby, right? He's almost five months. And he is so adorable. His name's Sunny. And she's just navigating right now, like taking back on work. And she might be someone really great to chat with because she's going to be, you know, starting her wedding season with still like a baby baby. Yes. And then Alicia Norton Photography, who's also in the group chat, she has two boys and she crushes it as well. Like she... is a private photo editor and she also, you know, is raising two kids and she does weddings and she's great. And then of course, Kate, we are free bird. I just adore her. She is actually due a few weeks after. We've been pregnant at the same time, like the same timeline with our first and second. Oh, fun. Yeah. She's due a few weeks after me with her second. And so we are really close because we're able to just like share everything that's going on currently between us because we're both kind of like feeling the same. Yeah, I know. It's always great when you find a mom that you like are on the same timeline with and you just kind of connect in a different level because you're just like, yeah, we are in it together. But Kate also like she does like interior stuff and brand stuff and weddings and her plate's always full and she juggles everything. And Just those three and just having them in a group that I can chat with as moms is like just so nice. Yeah. I mean, it's so important that you guys support each other and we all support each other. So and then, yeah, just let us know how we can best get in touch with you or find you. Yeah. So my website is just CarlyMichellePhotography.com. Instagram is CarlyMPhotography.com. And email is info at carlymichellephotography.com. Yeah, perfect. Awesome. Well, thanks so much for chatting, Carly. I'm so glad we got to connect and really learn more about IVF and talk more about everything with, you know, navigating actually giving the announcement of pregnancy to brides. Yes, no, the pleasure chatting. I'm so happy we were able to do this. Thanks so much for tuning into today's episode with Carly. I hope it gave you permission to show up a little more fully and be comfortable with whatever path to motherhood you're on. Next time, I'm chatting with Courtney Wolfe, wedding industry veteran, powerhouse coach, and mama, and we're getting real about the invisible load of motherhood in this industry, what balance really means or doesn't, and how she doubled her income after maternity leave. It's honest and fun in all the best ways, and I cannot wait for you to hear it. See you then.

SPEAKER_00: 50:04

Melanie,

SPEAKER_01: 50:06

don't touch my... Hey mamas, thanks for listening. Don't forget to hit that follow button and we'll see you at the next episode.